Just say no…not that easy…
My coach hit me between the eyes this past month. I told him that I didn’t get my assignments done because I was overwhelmed with commitments that I had made earlier in the year that now seem impossible to achieve. He then gave me an assignment that seemed at the time easy, but ended up being very difficult to carry out. He asked me to make a list of demands that I have said “no”. More… He also asked me not to commit to anything additional in my schedule until I spoke with my wife first! (not something that I am accustom to doing). After two weeks I still have nothing on my “no” list!
First of all, I never thought of myself as someone who had difficulty in saying no. But I found that I didn’t like to disappoint people in their expectations of me. When I tried to make a grid of importance to screen out unimportant things, I found myself coming to the conclusion that everything deserves a yes rather than a no. I made a list of things that I am good at and things that I am poor. I ran my to-do-list through the grid of my goals and the District vision. I could justify just about anything.
I am learning that I am more of a people pleaser that I like to admit. I don’t like that feeling of disappointment when I turn down a speaking engagement or decline to add the third church on a single Sunday. I know I can’t coach everyone who wants me as a coach, but I find it very difficult to say no.
Saying “no” means that I can “yes” to the things that will make the greatest difference. That is the lesson I am struggling to learn. I’m not there yet, but I am in the fight to be more effective. The side benefit is that I will have something left to give my family when I come home. On second thought, perhaps that is the primary benefit…
What does your “no” list look like? For me (an achiever by nature), the list is short. If you are an achiever, you probably could benefit from this exercise.
Thanks for the post Bruce
I struggle with the same “gift” of trying to please too many people.
Over the past two years I too have been challenged to re-prioritize my schedule and time and actually make a list of what (and who) are the most important things in my life.
I also listed the areas of my ministry that I knew God was primarily calling me to.
Here is what I realized…
Over half of my time was being consumed with people, events, or obligations that really did not fit into my calling (or job description)
And most of those things did not bring me joy either.
So, i did the unthinkable and actually started to cut back on what I was doing, how many ministries I had going on, and who I was spending time with.
I have been able to focus my time, energy, and passion on those closest to me (my wife, family, friends, students) and also have more time now to spend with God (which ultimately is the most important thing I can do)
I have learned to say NO, so that I can Yes
and also learned that I am TOO BUSY NOT TO SAY NO
Bruce, thanks for saying ‘yes’ to this posting.
Your transparency is inspiring….I too have just decided to say ‘no’ to my position of Head Soccer Coach of the Local HighSchool. It has been an absolute God send of an opportunity as we planted the church, with the last four years being entrenched deep within the community. The time has come to just say ‘no’ as difficult as that will be I am trusting His leading for the ‘yes’(s) in my life and ministry.
Bruce;
Thanks for the post. I also am struggling with saying “no” to the extent of overloading myself. I admit that there are times that I did not consult my wife even my children in saying “yes” to some appointments, which sometimes resulted to family conflicts. God bless you Bruce.